hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
