so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
