You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
