guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
