I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
