cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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