I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
