His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
