margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
