There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
