He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
