I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
