I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
