this beer tastes like vomit already
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
