So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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