Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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