he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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