Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need a beard to bite.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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