You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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