yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
