I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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