Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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