I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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