My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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