I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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