So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
