I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
