I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
