one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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