My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dicks are not precious.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
