Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
