Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
