No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
