Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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