You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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