I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
