My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
