like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm at about main and main street
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
