I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The cops high fived after they tackled you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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