How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
