I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
