in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
