i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
