GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are we still banned from the library?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
