She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
