I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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