I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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