Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
