He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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