And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
