well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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