You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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