If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
