Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
